Who among us has not welled up while watching the weight loss sheroes and heroes tell their stories on Oprah or the Biggest Loser? Okay, you in the back row there with the "Oh please" smirk on your face, go out and have a cigarette.
How about those "I left that son-of-a-bitch with nothing but a twenty-dollar bill and the clothes on my back because I was done with the abuse" stories?
We love to hear success stories.
How many of us secretly also wish we were the success story?
Here's a holiday gift for you. You are.
And if you can't think of anything but what you haven't done that you have been saying you want to do, here's another gift.
It's time and you have permission.
When we get emotional watching someone else's harrowing or demanding struggle to a dream realized it is our soul that has been touched. It's the knowing part of you saying "I can do that, I want to be that, I know it's possible." And then we turn off the tube or the radio or put down the magazine and what happens?
Often nothing. Nothing happens until something does. And what that something is happens to be different for everyone. If desire alone were all it took to make big changes in our lives there wouldn't be any WOW factor left because we'd all be chugging along climbing our mountains daily, everyone a bionic babe.
So what is that thing that happens? Vision + Desire meets Something you see or hear which feels so important that what isn't falls away.
Last week Oprah featured one after the other of those amazing people who lost hundreds of pounds telling their "why." Of the many I saw not one person had the same reason for taking on the challenge of releasing what no longer served them, in this case, extra weight. One woman lost five hundred and thirty pounds! Even Bob Greene was holding back tears. Her why for changing? Something reminded her of her self worth.
Another woman whose husband loved her through thick--three hundred something pounds--and thin told what moved her into action.
They wanted to adopt a baby. The agency said they would have to list her as "an oversized" applicant. This lessens your chances and that broke her heart. Having a family became her focus. Food no longer was.
What about the fear of failing? As smart women fully engaged in our lives not sitting on the couch with a super-sized bag of Cheesy Chex Mix (I've only ever seen those in coupon magazines.....) we've heard the acronym False Evidence Appearing Real, might have seen the frequently quoted book titled, "Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway." But knowing it's there and intellectually knowing we can overcome it does not make it so.
A maddening scream comes from the middle row, "Then for heavens sake HOW do WE change enough to do what we say we want to do but just don't?!"
Gift number three, dismantle the fear by asking, "What One Thing?" Do not worry yourself into a stupor about all the things that you don't know yet that might go wrong.
What one thing?
If you are a planner then make a plan, a simple plan, not an architectural rendering complete with elevations of how your feet will look in sneakers.
One thing, buy sneakers. Okay two things, use them.
Here's a suggested plan.
1. Tell yourself many times per day, "I can and will do this because," then list your whys.
2. Also tell yourself, "It feels scary, I may fail but that's okay.
I have no real idea how to do this and that's okay. Nothing matters more to me than to begin."
And finally, watch how you talk about the challenge and yourself.
I've starting work with a client who is quitting smoking after almost 30 years. She smokes her way through her day and told me "It's going to be like losing a best friend."
My first bit of coaching came when she was telling me about how it feels. "I know this is going to be I really hard..." "Stop please" I said firmly. "In order to support yourself in this you have to hear how you are talking about it. Instead of saying 'this is going to be really hard', can you change the words to 'I know this is going to be very different for me?' If even one spec of your skeptical side can be convinced that we create our lives with our words then you are on your way to creating something other than what you have.
The weight loss winners almost to a one admitted that they once called themselves a "waste of a life, worthless, disgusting, a failure," and many more nasty names. Once they started towards their goals they could no longer use those words or ways of thinking. Their mantras were all variations of "one burger at a time" and "I matter because I'm alive," and " you can do this." They did not have huge Mind Maps of what the years ahead would look like.
What they all had in common was that they tapped into their inner wisdom and courage. They quieted the despotic voice that had for years held them prisoner and allowed another voice to respond to something they felt on an emotional level. "I am that person who succeeds, I am the one at the top of the mountain, I am the one on the TV show telling my story." I am I am I am.
Gift number four is part of a quote. The author is not Nelson Mandela but Marian Williamson. Read it, make it yours, and re-gift it in the form of your next success thereby showing others what's possible for them.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. (Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."
Couches. Chex Mix. Excuses. Stories.
One thing. Mantras. Successes. Stories.
